My Daughter And I

"Its a girl!" The midwife said glowing. I smiled but have been wishing the scanner was wrong. I wanted a boy. Well, I admit I was selfsih but it was my preferred choice. I wanted my first baby to be a boy, a replica of his father. So that anytime Derrick was on one of those long work journeys, he will still be at home in his baby.

And secretly, I didn't want a girl to come first, and share my husband's love. Its mine! When she grows, she'll find hers. Woman's vanity, jealousy!

So all through my 36 weeks of pregnancy, I kept talking to my boy in the womb. Derrick said she will be named Pauline and I quickly masculinized it, its a Paul. Every morning before going to work, he pulls up my dress, kneels down and kisses my heavily protruded tummy, "Good morning Pauline!" I never miss the opportunity to correct them both, "It is a Paul, I'm carrying a boy!"

Derrick walks through the door laughing. As if he has forgotten. But how do I know he arrives the office? When his sms comes in, "I put a girl in there! ” This was a family tradition. And friends will laugh at us.

Finally, the argument comes to an end. It's a girl? So Derrick won? I was like oook! So how are we going to do this thing?

I really prepared for a boy. I've read books on raising your first son, and during my prenatals, we were cautioned to plan for any sex, that it does not really matter what sex you get. My strongheadedness was well over me. I saw only my bias.

I have observed boys, in infancy, todlers, lads, teenagers, I felt comfortable, well armed and ready for Paul, and there comes Pauline.

Finally, within her first day, the disappointment faded. I was grateful, at the spectacular amazement I had looking at my first child, a mini me. This innocent and extraordinary wonder in my arms helped me soon forget it was Paul I was passionate for.

Once in a while I keep an eye on Derrick and Pauline to be sure they are not playing me. I sometimes remind Derrick that when she grows up, she will marry her own Derrick. This is mine. Derrick is so sweet, he will smile and answer, "woman's jealous world." And I made sure I answered him back, "guilty as charged! "

It was always fun.

Years have passed, and Pauline is almost 10. Somehow we have managed to avoid a women's world war in the house. And as pauline grows, I was growing Spiritually too. I had taken the things of God lightly a lot. Now I'm a parent and the world is getting more rotten and complicated, or at least as it appears. How is my baby growing up? What kind of woman is she going to be? Which world is she going to live in.

I see a few families in church, colleagues at work and friends online struggling with keeping their teens in check. A friend just found out her daughter of 12 has been involved with notorious lesbians in school. Our pastor almost had stroke when his daughter of 16 confessed to 2 abortions. This world is cruel. How are we going to survive as Christians in this demonic generation?

Pauline, for now, is well disciplined, and obedient. When she hits 12, can we predict which direction she will take?

She is academically sound. Not the best in class but among the 7 top of her class. She works well. She is independent. She takes good initiative and has a lot of the qualities that most parents want in their kids. We've talked about it with Derrick and I worry more about it. Derrick feels I'm letting fear in, I deny it but I was getting scared at times.

There were almost a daily account of an unruly, a misled or a wayward child. I thought the Lord was warning me.

I talk to our pastor and he was full of praises for Pauline and the two boys. According to him, they are among the best, if not the best among the 64 kids in this church. I talked with friends and many of them went with the conventional thought that, "you win some, you lose some."

"No way!!! I'm not losing none of my 3 kids"

Buying all the toys, the bicycle, the mobile phone, the iphone or ipad is not meaningful upbringing. I have left my kids to the cartoons and video games. And the makers of all those toys have no intention of raising responsible and godly kids for me.

One day after a bad day, I was coming home from work. My mind drifted away to Pauline again. Then God dropped a word in my heart, "Why don't you make yourself Pauline's best friend? Then find non religious ways of telling her the truth. Make her your first disciple."

What? Make her my first disciple! I've never heard that said!

For the next threee weeks, I spent a lot of time thinking. And planning. Unlearning. And relearning. Finally, I was ready. I didn't tell Pauline and the boys what I heard from God. I just made it an adventure.

If I was going to disciple her, I had to be sure she was born again first. Most parents leave it to their pastor to ensure that their own kids are saved. Why should we do that? Your kids are your primary responsibility, not your pastor's! And certainly not the Sunday School teacher!

Here are a few things I learned and did:
1. I had to love my kids with the love of God. If I don't love them that much, I cannot love someone else out there.
2. I have to take God really seriously because Pauline and her siblings see more than they hear me.
3. I have to be their best example.
4. I have to accept correction in their presence when I am wrong as well as correct then when they are wrong. In other words, I have to normalize humility, repentance, discipline and correction in our home.
5. I have to be sincere in my worship and service to God.
6. I have to tell them the truth and tell it like it only depends on me.

Here are a few things I learned about being friends with my kids:
1. I have to convince them, NOT only tell them that I love them.
2. I have to make them trust me with their failures. Pauline should not be scared to tell me she did wrong. I shouldn't be alarmed at her failures, after all I did worse than her at her age.
3. Not disciplining my kids, is not love.
4. I had to know her friends and visit their homes at least once.
5. I have to listen to her stories and show interest no matter how childish.
6. I have to show gratitude, even reward whenever she does exceptionally.
7. I have to be the best friend she could talk to about anything.

This is my journey into parenthood. After applying all these plus patience and prayers, here we are where we are, happy! Today Pauline is 24, she is a graduate. Believe it or not, those scary teenage years came. But we made it. Did she make some blunders, terribly. But greatly minimal. Her errors were fewer than usual and less damaging.

Most of all, Jesus is in her heart. She is a committed believer, more committed than I was at her age. Not only that, makes my life stressless!

To crown it all, she is getting married! You're all invited.

God bless you. Just remember to win your kid. Its never too late to start. May be some of you have to start with repenting before your kids.

Thank you.
David Pam McQuel